Quality recommendations are something that you find everywhere but have you ever had the displeasure of sitting through a movie that was so cringe you wanted to physically gauge your eyes out? Well, I may have exaggerated there but you get the feels.
As I am guilty of making brilliant decisions in my life, my actions once lead me to the theatre to watch Teri Meri Kahaani starring Shahid Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra. To top that, I bugged my parents to take me to the movies because I thought what could go wrong with the made-for-each-other plot? But, boy, I was wrong. It turned out to be an absolute shitshow with baffling below par acting to an extent that I fell asleep right in the middle of the theatre. Prior to this, I was actually counting the number of speakers in the movie hall. Nevertheless, to say that I may have gotten an earful from my parents for that experience would be an understatement.
So, if you have ever come close to feeling what I am talking about then you know what I mean. And this is the peak messiah complex in me at play when I say that I have sat through hours for you, to compile the perfect piece of article that looks at cinematic experience equalling horseshit so you can make better use of your time. Here we go again, guys!
Released in 2004, it is directed by Indra Kumar and stars Ajay Devgn, Vivek Oberoi and Riteish Deshmukh in the lead. The plotline is pretty simple, given the time it was released in, where every third movie was busy milking on the cheating trope because whatever happened to communicating your problems and seeking a way out of a relationship amicably. Likewise, the three protagonists namely Meet, Prem and Amar, are best friends who are unhappy in their marriages, decide to cheat on their wives but instead find themselves as prime suspects in a murder investigation.
Pretty simple plot. What could go wrong, you ask? Almost everything, my answer!
The double-meaning jokes are one thing but comparing your wives and girlfriends to home cooked food and biryani is quite another and honestly, extremely disrespectful to the gender in question. You would really hope that it would stop there but it does not. It goes on to further add to the problematic nature in terms of elaborate and rather stretched gay jokes that never land which are unfunny at best and redundant at worst. And this goes without mentioning the prevalent homophobia.
I will never understand how the movie got renewed for two sequels but if I were you, I would steer clear of the two.
Directed by Sajid Khan, this movie hit the cinemas in 2013 and casts some of the finest actors like Ajay Devgn, Tamannaah, Mahesh Manjrekar and Paresh Rawal. Rooted in vengeance, the young man sets on a journey to his home village to make even with the man who pushed his father to commit suicide. But instead, he finds himself in a complicated situation as he falls in love with a young woman only to realise that she is the daughter of the man who wronged the protagonist’s father.
Himmatwala is the remake of the original that was released close to forty years ago with no significant changes in the plotline which makes you question whether the HIndi cinema has taken a step forward in the last four decades or not. As the movie progresses, one can see how Devgn is reduced to a mere parody of Jeetendra’s moves; be it in terms of dancing, acting cool or passing on lewd commentary to the female lead.
Moving on to the action sequences of the movie, Devgn emerges as a superstar with guns, almost a natural. But, the fight sequences that involve a tiger gets a bit too over-the-top and outright hilarious, to say the least. No wonder the movie sits at an IMDb of 1.7/10.
Man, I don’t really wanna elaborate on this anymore with the amount of ‘z’ that I see in the title. I mean, what difference can you expect?
The movie came out in 2008 and the director of it is Satish Kaushik, starring Urmila Matondkar and Himesh Reshammiya. The plotline involves a rock star that fell in love with a woman who is the exact same woman he loved in the past life as well. The main character then over the course of the movie begins to hallucinate about an unknown place and he sets on a journey in Kenya in the hope to solve the mystery.
Much criticism has fallen this movie’s way as the acting, across the board, has been unanimously labelled as awful whether it is the lead actor or the actress. The casting flaw is so evident with Reshammiya not passing off as the 25 year old as he neither plays the part nor acts like one. On the other hand, the newcomer casted against him is so young, she can easily pass for his daughter. And as a result, the viewers see zero chemistry between the two. Furthermore, the senior actors in the movie have been reduced to caricaturish roles that hang on hilarity.
If you sang the title like I did, you passed the vibe check and we are besties and there is no going back. This banger (please smell the sarcasm, I am begging) dropped in 2007 and the direction is by Prashant Chadha with the starcast including our very own homeboy Himesh Reshammiya, Hansika, Mallika Sherawat and Ishita Chauhan. The movie starts on a suspenseful note where a dead body of the TV journalist is found in the remote areas of Germany. And as the investigation proceeds, the German Police Officers hold in custody a renowned Indian singer HR on the charges of murdering the said journalist.
Despite the glitz and glamour that was included in the movie to cover up the stinking plot, it failed miserably. With a poor screenplay, story, what adds further to the misery of the viewers is the even worse acting of Himesh Bhai. Through the movie, there is a buildup only for it to be an utter fail as it reaches the climax. This movie perfectly sums up a critic’s nightmare.
The songs of the movie are enjoyed by a lot of people but the sheer quantity of it is off putting. However, the duly appreciated aspect about the movie is its cinematography, which is highly recommended.
This movie is the ultimate example that you put in strong actors like Priyanka Chopra, Kay Kay Menon and still deliver an IMDb rating of 2/10. Released in 2008, it also stars Abhishek Bachchan and Jaya Bachchan. Directed by Goldy Behl, the movie looks at the young man who is about to lead a dynasty of ancestral warriors. The aim of these warriors is to guard a mystic source of cosmic energy.
If you want to experience the “kuch bhi” moment quite frequently in a movie, I would say go for this one. It is your typical story of a villain gone rogue, seeking immortality while your hero (or the superhero, the movie doesn’t really make it explicit) tries to stop him from doing so. The movie does follow a skewed timeline and moves from Czechoslovakia in modern-day to the Rajasthan of Prithiviraj Chauhan to the Moroccan bygone-era. Now, pair it with the special effects that seems like an unpaid intern could do a better job, you are now looking at a couple of crores burned to ashes.
Released in 2002, this piece of cinema has achieved cult-like status and everybody seems to have watched it. But, to this day, I still stand by my statement that the guy who plays the snake has the most gorgeous eyes I have ever seen (go on, I dare you, fight me on this).
Sunny Doel, Arman Kohli, Manisha Koirala, Akshay Kumar, Suniel Shetty, Arshad Warsi are among the few that star in this movie. The plotline mainly deals with the story of a vengeful snake who is set out to take revenge from the group of College students. Revenge tropes really dominated the cinema in the early 2000s, it seems!
The actors playing the part of the College students do not, I repeat, do not pass as College going students. It features several technical problems where the audio isn’t synced to dialogue delivery. And, and, who wrote dialogues like “agar izzat sab ki karenge toh lootenge kiski”? Now, cue this dialogue with a lewd expression, and you might catch yourself physically cringing at it. Don’t even get me started on the special effects, they are bizarre to say the least.
The exaggerated expressions, special effects, problematic dialogues and its delivery, inconsistencies in the plotline, nothing about this movie sits right… (To Be Continued)
By Deepali Verma
